Soccer Fantasy

Today was one of those amazing fall days full of sunshine and crispness. It was the perfect day to go to my six year old's soccer game and I was able to leave everyone else at home and do just that.
A little while into the game, my son had still not made an appearance on the field and since I have no sports sense, I didn't think much of it. Until the coach (one of the most dedicated-to children-never -loses -their -patience -people I have ever met) came running over to me to tell me what was up.

Turns out my son was "not mentally prepared to play yet" and they were trying to get him on to the field, but he was resisting by making excuses, warming up...
I immediately thought of my conversation with him in the car on the way to the game:

"I'm so glad I get to come to your game today without Will and baby
Clare because I can really watch you play. Make sure you pay attention and
play your best because I will really be watching today."

This conversation was intended to make him feel special and supported, but I think it was a little too much pressure. What was I trying to do to this kid? Yikes.

So eventually the game ended and we were headed home. He filled the air with a recap of all of his shots toward the goal, how the coach tells him what a great job he is doing, how he got the ball from the other team and even how they almost won.

I felt like I was in the twilight zone for a moment--none of those things matched up with the kid I saw playing. When he would actually agree to play, he would run around kind of aimlessly and half heartedly, never really making contact with the ball, never really playing soccer.

My first thought was that he was delusional. Then I thought again. This soccer fantasy is what he wished had happened. It was how he imagined I wanted things to be and therefore how he wished they were.

I think of how often we wish we had done things differently and we know people we care about wish the same thing for us. When other people handle things better than us, or think of smarter ideas or catch on faster. When other kids are the ones who make contact with the ball and even kick it--in the right direction.

So instead of asking him why or correcting him, I just went along. I told him that he has a great team and that I think they are lucky to have him as a player. I wanted him to know that I knew how he felt, that I too had been there before, so I joined him in his soccer fantasy.

It was a good day, we made lots of great shots, and we almost won.

K