Yesterday at pick-up time, the preschool hallway was lined with messily painted lighthouses cut from construction paper. Each one said, “My Dad lights up my life.” The last one was my son’s lighthouse. It said, “My Family lights up my life.”
It made me smile.
Over the past 13 years that my partner and I have been parents, I don't sense any sadness from our kids about Father’s Day. It's not like Valentine's Day when you don't have a valentine. But I'm not naive. I'm sure our kids find themselves wishing for a father from time to time, but so far they have not shared that wish with us.
And while I hold my head up very high about the kind of parenting we provide for our three kids, yes, sometimes on Father's Day I feel a tiny twinge. I can't really describe it. It's just a twinge.
The twinge became so strong to me a few years back that I tried to turn Father’s Day into something that our family could celebrate in our own way.
In my naturally overcompensating way, I attempted to celebrate the day in a way that honored my partner, since it seemed like Mother’s Day was always ended up being about me.
Let's be clear. It was not a gender confusion thing. We all know she is a mom, but I thought it was practical. On a day when everyone was honoring fathers, we would honor her. After all, each of the kids had described her as “the one that is more like a Dad” at one time or another.
The whole thing failed miserably. Everything was awkward. My partner, who was trying her best not to hurt my feelings, said, “This is weird. I’m not their father. I’m no one’s father.”
Point well taken.
So on Father's Day, we’ll be thinking about all the wonderful fathers in our lives and in the lives of our kids. I'll be thinking about my own dad and eating strawberry pie with him.
We have two moms in our family. There is no father. That is just simply the way that it is.
So this Sunday, we will embrace the fact that Father’s Day is about Fathers - and that's a good thing!
Happy Father’s Day.
